It's a shame how a 4 year old needs to adapt to a "sick" mommy. It's a little unfair, if you ask me. But Gage is doing great and is trotting along just fine through all of my ups and downs!
I'd like to think and I'm sure he is thinking that he's taking care of me....just the other week, he stood up for me at Daycare when a little boy went to demonstrate his kicking karate moves on me. I just simply ignored his attempt to take me down(playfully), while Gage stood up, ran over and said, "Hey, you can't kick my mom, she's sick!"
The boys mom looked at us a little "dumb founded", while I blushed and secretly felt very proud of my son! lol...
I also get this same reminder, "Remember ....you can't pick me up!" as he hoists himself high up into and out of our vehicle! It's the little things that you take for granted everyday when you have a toddler. So, Gage is helping me realize that if I'm more patient with him then he will show himself up....what more could I ask for! Now we're on to the 911 calling and address giving that is a going a little slower...in due time, I guess!
I just really hope that when he becomes an adult , his memories of me won't be of how his mom was always tired, weak and grouchy but more along the lines of how I had an illness(true), but that I was strong, a darn good snuggler and helped him shape his indpendance.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Where did I go...?
Sorry I've been MIA for 4+ months! I don't where the time goes, but it's going fast.
I meant to update you with this weeks ago, but....like I said, time goes fast, anyhow I'm here now.
I'm doing fairly well. I've been in to see the transplant team, June 6, and my blood work and ultrasound show things are about the same. However, they are concerned with the abundance of gastric varices in my abdomen. These are the ( thin walled) tiny veins that carry high blood flow, and pressure. Mainly because my liver is so scarred that blood can't penetrate through anymore and therefore diverts itself to other organs/areas of the body. The team is concerned of a rupture occurring.
Sooo, I've now been told I cant lift or carry anyone or anything over 15lbs! Yup, 15lbs. My jaw almost hit the floor! I thought he was joking at first....I mean come on, 15lbs isn't a whole heck of a lot and it just seemed a little ridiculous to me. Nope...totally serious...there was no joking going on in that freezing, air conditioned room! I think I was the only one laughing.
The Dr. continued to explain that a rupture could happen and most people don't usually survive the outcome. I think it was a 50% mortality rate for the first hemorrhage and 80%-90% if I make it through and suffer another! And on and on and on........and then it became clear. This is serious. And I was no longer laughing but nearly in tears. I was so sad, mainly for Gage. How was I going to tell him I can 't pick him up or carry him, however short the distance! I'm angry. I know he's 4yr old now...but he's still my "baby" in my eyes! The Dr. said, "you can still snuggle with him." Yeah, sure....I mean of course. He was right, but I still couldn't help but feel this overwhelming sensation of sadness come ripping through my heart.
I'm not allowed to have a job outside of the house. Most of my jobs at home involve lifting and carrying things around all day....so now what am I supposed to do? I feel a little useless to say the least and it's driving me bonkers! So, let me just recap.... this illness makes me extremely fatigued and exhausted more as each day comes and goes, it makes me lose muscle mass(especially now), can't pick up /carry anything over 15lbs, not to thrilled about my situation at the moment!
Anyhow....as summer has finally arrived, I will be doing my damndest to enjoy it with my loved ones!!
I meant to update you with this weeks ago, but....like I said, time goes fast, anyhow I'm here now.
I'm doing fairly well. I've been in to see the transplant team, June 6, and my blood work and ultrasound show things are about the same. However, they are concerned with the abundance of gastric varices in my abdomen. These are the ( thin walled) tiny veins that carry high blood flow, and pressure. Mainly because my liver is so scarred that blood can't penetrate through anymore and therefore diverts itself to other organs/areas of the body. The team is concerned of a rupture occurring.
Sooo, I've now been told I cant lift or carry anyone or anything over 15lbs! Yup, 15lbs. My jaw almost hit the floor! I thought he was joking at first....I mean come on, 15lbs isn't a whole heck of a lot and it just seemed a little ridiculous to me. Nope...totally serious...there was no joking going on in that freezing, air conditioned room! I think I was the only one laughing.
The Dr. continued to explain that a rupture could happen and most people don't usually survive the outcome. I think it was a 50% mortality rate for the first hemorrhage and 80%-90% if I make it through and suffer another! And on and on and on........and then it became clear. This is serious. And I was no longer laughing but nearly in tears. I was so sad, mainly for Gage. How was I going to tell him I can 't pick him up or carry him, however short the distance! I'm angry. I know he's 4yr old now...but he's still my "baby" in my eyes! The Dr. said, "you can still snuggle with him." Yeah, sure....I mean of course. He was right, but I still couldn't help but feel this overwhelming sensation of sadness come ripping through my heart.
I'm not allowed to have a job outside of the house. Most of my jobs at home involve lifting and carrying things around all day....so now what am I supposed to do? I feel a little useless to say the least and it's driving me bonkers! So, let me just recap.... this illness makes me extremely fatigued and exhausted more as each day comes and goes, it makes me lose muscle mass(especially now), can't pick up /carry anything over 15lbs, not to thrilled about my situation at the moment!
Anyhow....as summer has finally arrived, I will be doing my damndest to enjoy it with my loved ones!!
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