Sorry I've been MIA for 4+ months! I don't where the time goes, but it's going fast.
I meant to update you with this weeks ago, but....like I said, time goes fast, anyhow I'm here now.
I'm doing fairly well. I've been in to see the transplant team, June 6, and my blood work and ultrasound show things are about the same. However, they are concerned with the abundance of gastric varices in my abdomen. These are the ( thin walled) tiny veins that carry high blood flow, and pressure. Mainly because my liver is so scarred that blood can't penetrate through anymore and therefore diverts itself to other organs/areas of the body. The team is concerned of a rupture occurring.
Sooo, I've now been told I cant lift or carry anyone or anything over 15lbs! Yup, 15lbs. My jaw almost hit the floor! I thought he was joking at first....I mean come on, 15lbs isn't a whole heck of a lot and it just seemed a little ridiculous to me. Nope...totally serious...there was no joking going on in that freezing, air conditioned room! I think I was the only one laughing.
The Dr. continued to explain that a rupture could happen and most people don't usually survive the outcome. I think it was a 50% mortality rate for the first hemorrhage and 80%-90% if I make it through and suffer another! And on and on and on........and then it became clear. This is serious. And I was no longer laughing but nearly in tears. I was so sad, mainly for Gage. How was I going to tell him I can 't pick him up or carry him, however short the distance! I'm angry. I know he's 4yr old now...but he's still my "baby" in my eyes! The Dr. said, "you can still snuggle with him." Yeah, sure....I mean of course. He was right, but I still couldn't help but feel this overwhelming sensation of sadness come ripping through my heart.
I'm not allowed to have a job outside of the house. Most of my jobs at home involve lifting and carrying things around all day....so now what am I supposed to do? I feel a little useless to say the least and it's driving me bonkers! So, let me just recap.... this illness makes me extremely fatigued and exhausted more as each day comes and goes, it makes me lose muscle mass(especially now), can't pick up /carry anything over 15lbs, not to thrilled about my situation at the moment!
Anyhow....as summer has finally arrived, I will be doing my damndest to enjoy it with my loved ones!!
